Young Poland

Last Saturday, on my flight back to Toronto, I spent a few hours reading about my favourite period in Polish art: the Young Poland movement. The book was a farewell gift from a friend and provides art and architectural examples of the movement in and around Krakow.

Several of my favourite churches, galleries, and buildings were listed in the guide, and I was thoroughly enjoying reading about Krakow, when I turned the page and saw a picture of this guy:



This gargoyle perches on the building I lived in for the past two years. Imagine my surprise to see him featured in a guide to Krakow!

I knew my building was designated as a heritage building (it was the former power plant for Krakow before it was converted into an architect's office and apartments), but I guess I didn't realize how historically significant it really was.

Yep, I lived in a building with a gargoyle. Not many people in Toronto can say that.

Derek and Flannery

Here's the first anecdote of many about Derek:

Soon after I moved to Toronto from Waterloo, Derek was accepted into the publishing program at Centennial College. We ended up being roommates, living in a 2nd floor apartment in an old house on Keele St in High Park.

I've got so many great memories of that year: sitting on the deck gossiping and sharing stories about our lives for hours, both of us being terrified of the huge raccoon that used to live on the roof, laughing at our upstairs neighbour Rocker Dude, hosting cocktail parties that lasted all night (I don't think I've had someone pass out on my kitchen floor since those days), and just hanging out in our pjs watching TV.

That year was also the year I decided I would get a cat. For months before actually adopting the cat, I mused about what I would name her (for it would be a female). I wanted something literary. Perhaps Jane or Margaret after one of my favourite authors. Or maybe named for a fictional character. Possibly Daisy.

Meanwhile, Derek picked out his own name. For him the only possible choice was Flannery. Didn't matter to him that I had never read Flannery O'Connor. He stuck to his guns, referring to my future pet as Flannery in conversation whenever he could. And then he dealt the final blow, telling me (with a sparkle in his eye) that it didn't matter what I decided to call the cat, he would call her Flannery.

The morning we went to the humane society, Derek finally relented, saying that whatever I wanted to call the cat would be fine and he would go along with my choice. I think he secretly knew by that time that he had already indelibly imprinted the name Flannery on my brain.

So Flannery she was, and still is. I can't imagine her as being anything else.

Yet even though Derek gave me a Flannery O'Connor novel (aptly titled "A Good Man is Hard to Find") for Christmas that year, it was years before I could bring myself to read it. What would I do if I didn't like the works of my cat's namesake?

But, as always, Derek's recommendation was sound.

And oh how Derek loved Flannery, always scooping her up for a cuddle whenever he came over and wondering if she remembered that they had lived together all those years ago. Of course she did.

Derek

I'm sitting in Derek's home office, typing this at his desk, surrounded by his CDs and his books, looking at pictures of him and the people he loved, comforted by his cat sleeping a few feet away.

Although I desperately wanted to see Sari, I admit I was a bit apprehensive about staying here until my stuff arrives from Krakow. As long as I was in Poland, I could fool myself into believing Derek was still here. And I knew that there was no way I could keep his death at bay once I came back to Toronto.

But being in his space hasn't induced the grief I was scared of. Just the opposite - I feel much better being here with Sari and am comforted by staying in his house.

And now I realize, I don't have to write one letter or blog entry about Derek and what our years of friendship meant to me. There's no need for one goodbye or one final summing up. I've got so many memories and stories to share. I'll just write them down as I'm ready.

Home

After a long day, I made it home without incident.

Although I fly a lot, it never ceases to amaze me how you can be transported from one side of the world to the other in such a short period of time.

This morning I was thinking about the months-long sea crossings people had to make 100 years ago. Although incredibly difficult and grueling for some, the trip itself gave them time to realize that they were leaving one life behind and starting another in a new world.

14 hours on a plane didn't seem like a long enough time to end one stage of my life and start another.

But, regardless of how long the journey took, the new phase of my life starts today. I wonder what it will bring.

In transit

I'm on my way home, waiting in the Krakow for my first flight of the day. My suitcases are a hell of a lot bigger than this one, and I'm not looking forward to carrying them up the many stairs in my Toronto home.

Wish me a speedy and safe journey.

Saying goodbye

It's 11:00 pm and I'm sitting in the lobby of the Krakow Sheraton reflecting on my last day in Krakow. It is fitting that I'm staying here on my last night in Krakow. It's where I stayed on my first night here, and every other subsequent trip before moving here.

I woke up this morning with a feeling of panic, worrying about how I was going to make it through so many goodbyes today.

But I've made it without sobbing, although I felt like it several times. I walked around the Planty this morning, taking photos every few steps, then met my landlord to go through my beautiful apartment one last time.

And I made it through saying goodbye to 4 floors of people without losing my composure completely, although I teared up the very first time I said goodbye.

Tears threatened again at dinner tonight with my closest friends, but most of the time I just enjoyed their company.

I know I'll miss everything and everyone in Krakow, but I've finally said goodbye.

Note: I'm not ready to say goodbye to this blog. I've got thousands of photos to wade through, and memories associated to everyone, many of which I hope to share with you all. So more posts to come once I am back in my home and native land.

Last night

As I was getting ready to meet a friend for a goodbye drink at my favourite cafe tonight, I realized that this is the last night I'll be staying in my apartment.

I've been extremely privileged to live in this beautiful place for the last two years. Everything about it is lovely: the marble heated floors that the cats (and I) couldn't get enough of, the exposed beams and brick wall, the seven skylights on the top floor, the beautiful (yet terrifying for many) open staircase, the large arched windows, and the loveliest bathroom I'll ever have.

I love all of the views. From one side I can look down at the street life and the action in the neighbourhood jazz bar. From the other I can check out people feeding the pigeons, walking their dogs, or just relaxing in the small park. From that window I can also check out the line up, or the occasional protest, at the nearby embassy. But to get to my favourite view I need to stand on the bidet in the bathroom and open the skylight. I am just tall enough to peek out over the sill and see all of the rooftops. To me, that view is quintessentially European. I feel like an artist in a garret (okay, an extremely lovely, luxurious garret).

The space is large, bright, airy, and stunning. Everyone who enters it stops a few steps in from the doorway and exclaims. A few of my favourite quotes: "It is so beautiful, I think I'm going to cry", "What a grown up apartment" and the most apt for tonight, "Your place at home is nice, but how will you ever leave this one?"

Stage 1

I've been mentally procrastinating about it for months, but I've finally accepted (sort of) that I'm leaving Krakow this week.

I guess I've had to, as the pet mover just picked up Flannery and Small for the first leg of their long journey home to Canada. After much last minute anxiety and stress (changing dates, flights, missing documentation and so on), the cats are on their way to Warsaw by car where they will hopefully catch a flight to Frankfurt tonight. Tomorrow they'll fly from Frankfurt to Toronto, where they will stay in a kennel until we can move into our home. That date all depends on when my stuff arrives from Poland.

Tomorrow morning the movers come to pack up my stuff and transport it to Warsaw. Not sure why all roads to Toronto must go through Warsaw on this trip, but even I am flying through Warsaw on Saturday.

So, I'd better get cracking. I've got a lot to do before the packers show up tomorrow.

Silence

In the early hours of Easter Sunday one of my closest friends passed away suddenly. Since then, I've been trying to make sense of this new world I find myself in.

Although I've written a thousand sentences about Derek and our friendship in my head, I can't bring myself to commit them to a page yet. It hasn't seemed possible to write about anything else until I've done that.

But, as unbelievable as it seems to me right now, life has moved forward. Since that day, I've finished my work assignment in Krakow, had two lovely farewell parties, and spent 4 quiet days in Croatia.

I'll be leaving Poland for good in less than two weeks. For most of April, I desperately wanted to be in Toronto, but now I'm a little terrified to go home. I can't envision that city without Derek.

I've been unable (or just unwilling) to say goodbye the last few weeks. To my friends and colleagues here, to the city and the country I've come to love, and above all to Derek.

I know I'm going to have to, but I just can't. Not yet.