Silence

In the early hours of Easter Sunday one of my closest friends passed away suddenly. Since then, I've been trying to make sense of this new world I find myself in.

Although I've written a thousand sentences about Derek and our friendship in my head, I can't bring myself to commit them to a page yet. It hasn't seemed possible to write about anything else until I've done that.

But, as unbelievable as it seems to me right now, life has moved forward. Since that day, I've finished my work assignment in Krakow, had two lovely farewell parties, and spent 4 quiet days in Croatia.

I'll be leaving Poland for good in less than two weeks. For most of April, I desperately wanted to be in Toronto, but now I'm a little terrified to go home. I can't envision that city without Derek.

I've been unable (or just unwilling) to say goodbye the last few weeks. To my friends and colleagues here, to the city and the country I've come to love, and above all to Derek.

I know I'm going to have to, but I just can't. Not yet.